I have been working in the agency for four years now, so I witnessed
it many times when a lady sends her first letter to the guy and he would
never reply to her. Or, an opposite situation: a man would send his
introduction letter to a lady, but she would not be interested in correspondence
with him. He would probably make another try and contact another woman,
but it may happen so that again the lady would incline his invitation
to the correspondence…. If the guy is goal-oriented and serious
about finding a foreign lady for marriage, and still wants to try his
chances, he would make more attempts till finally he starts nice correspondence
How much effort and time do you think the guy would spend every time
when he sends a "new" introduction letter to every lady? It
does not seem to be time-and-effort wise if he changes his introduction
letter and writes a completely another one to every lady, does it?
Once he hears back from a lady…there starts "work",
first through letters, on development a relationship, and, naturally,
here your replies to the lady are based on her letters to you, as well
as her replies to you are based on yours…. The longer you correspond,
the more personal your letters can become, and from now on it is a pretty
hard thing to send "form" letters to each other, what do you
think? I believe, if two people manage to develop a relationship (friendship,
some attachment), it would be impossible for them to send "form"
letters to each other. You would feel and sense, as it seems to me,
if a lady would keep sending you "form" letters. If after
dozens of letters you exchange, she would "stick" to the "weather"
topic, or something the same neutral…well, this is a sign, what
do you think?
The above was my answer to "I suspected most of these
women sent the same introduction letters to many other men and corresponded
with many men using 'form' letters."
(all the above is applied to and true about women as
well, when they are keeping searching for and sending letters to guys.
Plus, keep it in mind please that only 1 out of 20 men ever make the
trip over. So, let's say, a lady followed the "old-fashioned"
way and corresponded with one man for a year, he may disappear, stop
writing to her without giving any explanations, or he may keep promising
(and only promising) to travel to see her, but he never will do that…….)
Concerning " I began to question …. whether these
women really wanted to meet me, or just anybody. I'm no model or millionaire,"
I would like to tell you, first of all, that the majority of our clients
are just average people from America or some other country. I think
I would be right if I assume that very few ladies would expect to find
a rich guy (dreams are always dreams, though). I believe, the majority
of women who address such agencies are looking for stability in a relationship,
including financial stability. I cannot conceal that here in Russia
many ladies feel insecure, do not know what to expect in the future,
and are just overloaded with housework and everyday worries and cares
about children. Naturally, they want more stability and a life, which
will be at least a little easier than they have here. A sober reasonable
lady should realize that there are not so many rich men in the world.
On the other hand, ladies can have some idealistic image of your country.
Though, here we try to have them understand that life everywhere can
have its difficulties and worries, nobody but you, an American guy,
can give the lady you would correspond with a better idea of your life
over there, in the USA.
"How many introduction letters do these women typically
send out to different men?"
Every case is individual, meaning that a lady may correspond
with only one guy (a guy – with only one lady), though mostly
we have customers who correspond with two – three people (sometimes
"As for me, I felt awkward writing different women
simultaneously and only started recently on the advice of one of the
agencies (better my chances). However, I find this emotionally exhaustive
and prefer not to--at least if the woman is not writing a lot of other
men at the same time (though sincerely)."
I believe, you have more than one friend? Why not look at the correspondence
as a way to find a new friend first? A friend who later may become your
life-partner (I notice that many people, both men and women, state that
they want to see both a friend and a lover in their partner)? So if
you only start your correspondence with a number of ladies, you only
get to know them, make your first steps in this relationship-friendship,
and you do not give hasty statements like "You're the only one",
"With love" (probably in American culture, this is just a
nice way to finish a letter, but here ladies may treat this in a very
serious way. I actually had a talk with a lady – a Volgagirl client
– when she asked me about this "With love" the guy put
at the end of his letter for her, while she knew that he kept correspondence
with another or two ladies besides her. What she said to me was "I
understand why he corresponds with more than one lady, but I wonder
what his "With love" means? I would prefer he did not use
such strong words if he did not really mean that feeling"). Later
on, of course, you can have your priorities among the ladies.
Emotionally exhaustive? And time-consuming, too, I may probably say!
As well as enjoyable and rewarding. But you have to put effort into
developing the relationship, if you want to have a result. A friend
of mine once compared correspondence and developing a relationship through
letters to "another job I have in my life!".
We did have some cases when a guy corresponded with only one lady, he
traveled here and things went absolutely fine for them. At the same
time, there were cases (rather enough) when it did not work out for
two people (she did not like him in person on the very first day, or
vice versa). So imagine: the guy is left here for, let's say, ten days,
the lady turned out to be not interested in him (though their correspondence
may have been absolutely wonderful!! But how much an in-person meeting
means…. this is a crucial moment, I would say). The guy either
changes his return tickets for an earlier date and leaves earlier (sometimes
absolutely broken-hearted), or makes attempts to contact other ladies
"on the spot", if I may put it like this. Anyway, disappointment,
some sort of haste and discouragement, sometimes boredom, because it
is inevitable that the most part of the day he would have to spend on
his own, as most often the ladies, he would contact from here already,
work and can only have a date in the evening.
To avoid this, I would suggest you still try and choose some more ladies
to correspond. In reality, your priority lady "through correspondence"
may prove to be not what you expected, while another lady who may have
been the second – third you contacted can be the one you will
be happy with!