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Helen Bessonova, Togliatti, Russia, Office Manager for A Volga Girl. Helen has answers to most all of your questions about Russian girls.
 
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Sending Letters-Of-Introduction Works Both Ways
And Identifying Our Own (men) Double-Standards



Dear Helen,



I've been searching for my soul mate from Russia and the Ukraine for the last year. I have posted my profile on two popular agencies and have received many "introduction" letters from eligible women. At first, I tried to answer all the letters politely explaining that I didn't feel we were compatible. As time went on, I could not devote the time or expense for this and felt I was being insensitive. Truth is, I began to question how sincere these introduction letters were and whether these women really wanted to meet me, or just anybody. I'm no model or millionaire, but was getting over 200 introductions a month! I suspected most of these women sent the same introduction letters to many other men and corresponded with many men using 'form' letters.


My question is, how many introduction letters do these women typically send out to different men? For that matter, what is the average number of men a woman will write to simultaneously? As for me, I felt awkward writing different women simultaneously and only started recently on the advice of one of the agencies (better my chances). However, I find this emotionally exhaustive and prefer not to--at least if the woman is not writing a lot of other men at the same time (though sincerely).


Alas, the whole ordeal has made me much less romantic and more mechanical in my search. I've since canceled my membership at the other agencies and picked just one girl from your service to correspond with (if she accepts!). What's a good number of women to correspond with and for how long? This process of 'shopping' for a wife seems so unromantic. I would rather rely on fate than the odds when it comes to my soulmate--call me old-fashioned.


Gordon, California

 

Hello Gordon!


I have been working in the agency for four years now, so I witnessed it many times when a lady sends her first letter to the guy and he would never reply to her. Or, an opposite situation: a man would send his introduction letter to a lady, but she would not be interested in correspondence with him. He would probably make another try and contact another woman, but it may happen so that again the lady would incline his invitation to the correspondence…. If the guy is goal-oriented and serious about finding a foreign lady for marriage, and still wants to try his chances, he would make more attempts till finally he starts nice correspondence with someone.

How much effort and time do you think the guy would spend every time when he sends a "new" introduction letter to every lady? It does not seem to be time-and-effort wise if he changes his introduction letter and writes a completely another one to every lady, does it?


Once he hears back from a lady…there starts "work", first through letters, on development a relationship, and, naturally, here your replies to the lady are based on her letters to you, as well as her replies to you are based on yours…. The longer you correspond, the more personal your letters can become, and from now on it is a pretty hard thing to send "form" letters to each other, what do you think? I believe, if two people manage to develop a relationship (friendship, some attachment), it would be impossible for them to send "form" letters to each other. You would feel and sense, as it seems to me, if a lady would keep sending you "form" letters. If after dozens of letters you exchange, she would "stick" to the "weather" topic, or something the same neutral…well, this is a sign, what do you think?


The above was my answer to "I suspected most of these women sent the same introduction letters to many other men and corresponded with many men using 'form' letters."

(all the above is applied to and true about women as well, when they are keeping searching for and sending letters to guys. Plus, keep it in mind please that only 1 out of 20 men ever make the trip over. So, let's say, a lady followed the "old-fashioned" way and corresponded with one man for a year, he may disappear, stop writing to her without giving any explanations, or he may keep promising (and only promising) to travel to see her, but he never will do that…….)


Concerning " I began to question …. whether these women really wanted to meet me, or just anybody. I'm no model or millionaire," I would like to tell you, first of all, that the majority of our clients are just average people from America or some other country. I think I would be right if I assume that very few ladies would expect to find a rich guy (dreams are always dreams, though). I believe, the majority of women who address such agencies are looking for stability in a relationship, including financial stability. I cannot conceal that here in Russia many ladies feel insecure, do not know what to expect in the future, and are just overloaded with housework and everyday worries and cares about children. Naturally, they want more stability and a life, which will be at least a little easier than they have here. A sober reasonable lady should realize that there are not so many rich men in the world.


On the other hand, ladies can have some idealistic image of your country. Though, here we try to have them understand that life everywhere can have its difficulties and worries, nobody but you, an American guy, can give the lady you would correspond with a better idea of your life over there, in the USA.


"How many introduction letters do these women typically send out to different men?"
Every case is individual, meaning that a lady may correspond with only one guy (a guy – with only one lady), though mostly we have customers who correspond with two – three people (sometimes more).


"As for me, I felt awkward writing different women simultaneously and only started recently on the advice of one of the agencies (better my chances). However, I find this emotionally exhaustive and prefer not to--at least if the woman is not writing a lot of other men at the same time (though sincerely)."


I believe, you have more than one friend? Why not look at the correspondence as a way to find a new friend first? A friend who later may become your life-partner (I notice that many people, both men and women, state that they want to see both a friend and a lover in their partner)? So if you only start your correspondence with a number of ladies, you only get to know them, make your first steps in this relationship-friendship, and you do not give hasty statements like "You're the only one", "With love" (probably in American culture, this is just a nice way to finish a letter, but here ladies may treat this in a very serious way. I actually had a talk with a lady – a Volgagirl client – when she asked me about this "With love" the guy put at the end of his letter for her, while she knew that he kept correspondence with another or two ladies besides her. What she said to me was "I understand why he corresponds with more than one lady, but I wonder what his "With love" means? I would prefer he did not use such strong words if he did not really mean that feeling"). Later on, of course, you can have your priorities among the ladies.


Emotionally exhaustive? And time-consuming, too, I may probably say! As well as enjoyable and rewarding. But you have to put effort into developing the relationship, if you want to have a result. A friend of mine once compared correspondence and developing a relationship through letters to "another job I have in my life!".


We did have some cases when a guy corresponded with only one lady, he traveled here and things went absolutely fine for them. At the same time, there were cases (rather enough) when it did not work out for two people (she did not like him in person on the very first day, or vice versa). So imagine: the guy is left here for, let's say, ten days, the lady turned out to be not interested in him (though their correspondence may have been absolutely wonderful!! But how much an in-person meeting means…. this is a crucial moment, I would say). The guy either changes his return tickets for an earlier date and leaves earlier (sometimes absolutely broken-hearted), or makes attempts to contact other ladies "on the spot", if I may put it like this. Anyway, disappointment, some sort of haste and discouragement, sometimes boredom, because it is inevitable that the most part of the day he would have to spend on his own, as most often the ladies, he would contact from here already, work and can only have a date in the evening.


To avoid this, I would suggest you still try and choose some more ladies to correspond. In reality, your priority lady "through correspondence" may prove to be not what you expected, while another lady who may have been the second – third you contacted can be the one you will be happy with!


Sincerely,
Helen

 



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